Cabbage Attacks Week 1

A Mystery in Manhattan

The NYPD knocked on Arnold Trailer's door at 10:00pm on Saturday night. Following up on a routine call to investigate loud noises at Trailer's apartment, the police officers expected to find little more than an overcranked stereo. To their surprise the carnage in the apartment spoke of a fair less innocent turn of events. For Officer John Smith, a 37-year veteran of the department, it was a gruesome sight.

"In all my years, I've never seen a crime scene like it. Furniture in disarray, ketchup bottles emptied onto the counter and an odor I'll ver forget...it reminded my of sauerkraut," said Smith.

Arnold Trailer, a carpenter by day, apartment farmer by night, had been brutally beaten by what appeared to be a blunt, soft, green object. The stains on his body smelled of cabbage. Trailer was wildly incoherent and was rushed to Mercy Memorial.

[Editor's note: the rest of this article is translated for our Latin reading public.] Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit, sed diam nonummy nibh euismod tincidunt ut laoreet dolore magna aliquam erat volutpat. Ut wisi enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exerci tatio.

Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit, sed diam nonummy nibh euismod tincidunt ut laoreet dolore magna aliquam erat volutpat. Ut wisi enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exerci tatio. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit, sed diam nonummy nibh euismod tincidunt ut laoreet dolore magna aliquam erat volutpat. Ut wisi enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exerci tatio. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetuer adipiscing elit, sed diam nonummy nibh euismod tincidunt ut laoreet dolore magna aliquam erat volutpat. Ut wisi enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exerci tatio.

-- Cosmopolitan Farmer Staff Reporter